305 LETTERS FOR 43 WEEKS

I’ll write 305 letters for you.

It may be 60 days short for a year

But it can be a whole eternity long for us.

305 letters that can be so absurd

‘cause I know you will never have the chance to receive it.

Sadly, you will never have the chance to read it as well.

I want to write 305 letters

but I may not find the right words to say

I may not also have the courage to write it either.

My script might cause you confusion,

You may not understand my handwriting.

You may not also have the patience in reading all of it.

I’ll write 305 letters for you

And I hope you can read want I want to utter

I’ll write 305 letters for you for 43 weeks…in my mind.
- avy scel; 110311

WORDS

How many words have you spoken in your life?

How many did you mean?

How many did you understand?

THIS IS OH SO TRUE!

I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR WENDY!

ISANG ARAW LANG PALA!

"I'M NOT YET READY TO BE LABEL AS A GIRLFRIEND OF SOMEBODY"

i'm so sorry:/

LETTER FROM THE PRESENT TO FUTURE PART 1

Dear you,

I was inspired to do this when a friend of mine posted something like this on her facebook account. It was such an odd thing to do but somewhat the sweetest thing. I will start doing this and I hope you'll get the chance to read this when the right time comes.

I want to meet you and see who you are. I want to stare at your eyes and touch your face. I want to hear you, to feel you around me, to be with you and to grow old with you...but I know I'm not ready yet. It's only last Sunday when I thought about you...I mean, I realized that you are real though you are not here with me and it's not always like that. There are some other random guys who kept buzzing around my mind and none of them was you until I woke up that there is you out there.

I want to be inlove...to feel inlove again...to feel the right love. I want to see the beauty and feel the purity of this thing called LOVE. I want to feel it with you! I'm so excited that I cannot contain it any longer...BUT I am willing to wait for you!

We will meet pretty soon when we are both ready. Always take care of yourself and I promise to take care of myself too. Enjoy whatever there is in front of you. See the beauty of life. Go to places and explore the world...I couldn't wait to hear it from you.

May our God bless you and mold you in love as He mold me to be your other whole.

Love much,
Me --- your wife!

P.S Don't do something foolish okay or else...hmmmph! hehe :))

FOOD ERR!

all of a sudden, i wanted to blog about food, yeah you heard me right!!!! about FOOD! i think that's fun and exciting. you'll got the chance to reminisce the taste and how the food melted in your mouth while you munch every part of it. i'll be doing it pretty soon!:)

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her./

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing./ Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before./ Her voice. her bright body. her infinite eyes./
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I loved her./ 

Love is so short, forgetting is so long"

                                                                                - Tonight I can write the saddest lines; Pablo Neruda

LOVE'S ASTRONOMY

pilit ko man siya habulin ay di ko masabayan.
para kaming nag-lalaro ng takbuhan,
sa laro na ako ang taya at siya ang aking tatayain.

ngunit di ko siya mahabol...sadyang napakabilis,
tulad ng buwan na di magkasabay sa pagsikat ng araw.

ang langit ang saksi sa aking kalungkutan.
ang langit din ang nagpapalayo sa aming landas,
habang nakatingin ang mga bituin --- malapit man ito o malayo.
sila na nakakakita ng aking kagandahan,
na sumasalo sa aking liwanag,
na naghihintay na mapansin ko sila.
malas nila at di nila mapantayan ang kalakihan ng aking araw
kahit na walang sawa silang kumikislap na parang bang nagpapa-cute.

kaya't patuloy ko parin hahabulin ang landas niya
habang patuloy din siya iniikutan ng ibang planeta sa aksis nito.
hihintayin ko nalang ang aming pagtatagpo,
kung saan masosolo ko ang liwanag niya at matataya ko din siya.
titingin lahat ng tala sa kalangitan,
titigil ang lahat sa aming pagkikita
at kahit ang kapangyarihan ng kalangitan ay di ito mapipigilan
ang eclipse na ilang minuto lang ang itatagal.

TATLONG SAGOT MULA SAYO...

Kapag tinanong ba kita ngayon, ano ang isasagot mo sakin?

"OO"
pero nahihiya ako
pero natatakot ako
pero mahihintay mo ba ako?
"EWAN"

bahala na si batman

marami pa ang pwedeng mangyari

malay natin hindi tayo ang meant-to-be

"HINDI"

dahil meron iba

friends lang talaga 

mas okay na ganito, baka magka-ilangan pa tayo

Kapag tinanong kita ngayon magbabago ba ang tingin mo sakin?

"OO"

kasi babae ka

"EWAN"

dahil wala naman akong pakialam sayo

"HINDI"

natuwa pa nga ako eh!

Kapag tinanong kita, sasagot ka kaya

o titignan mo lang ako at mananahimik?

sayang, tatanungin sana kita kaso babae ako...

kaya hahayaan ko nalang na hindi masagot ang tanong ko sayo.

ULAN

karamihan ng tao ayaw ng ulan...

hassle kasi 

mahirap sumakay

traffic...

pero hihintayin ko lagi ang pagbuhos ng ulan

kaysa sumikat ang araw na di mo man lang ako napapansin.

magbabakasakali na makita mo ako sa gitna ng ulan.

hinihintay talaga kita...

na ayain mo ako makisilong sa dala mo na payong...

para makasama ka

para makasabay ka

para makatabi ka

para makaakbay sayo

para maramdaman ko man lang na concern ka sakin.

dahil pagkatapos ng ulan 

alam ko babalik ulit sa dati ang lahat...

lalabas ang bahaghari, sisikat ang araw,

mapapangiti ka at ititiklop ang payong

titingin ka sa kabilang direksyon

at ako ay di na mapapansin ulit...

hanggang sa muling pagbuhos ng ulan!

WAITING HAS ITS POINT IN EVERYTHING

after we have decided to move on with our lives apart from each other, life has been so different. life has been so easy, so light, so peace and quiet, so calm, so ordinary. i didn't seem to miss those hands that hold mine, the warmth that i get from his hug. everything seems so normal again. there are times when i caught myself surprised that once upon a time there was a somebody who used to be my "boyfriend". i got too attached with my singleness now and have been comfortable with it. i'm totally happy right now knowing that i don't have to bother with heartaches and shallow-petty arguments. i don't need to explain myself anymore and ask for permission aside from the approval from my parents. i never felt more complete than ever. i realized that it's wrong to tell my special someone that he is the "missing piece" in my life because ever since i was born, i am already made complete. I WAS MADE COMPLETE! i lacked nothing! but just like adam, it is not good for man to be alone.
so why i have been so mushy all of a sudden?!
i read a blog note that was linked on my crush's facebook account. the note was so simple yet it is so complex. i liked the idea that it is from a guy's point of view. it sounds sarcastic at first though in the end he made himself thoughtful.

lahat ng tao may pointA at pointB

babae man o lalake.

ang pointA ang kinaroroonan mo

ang pointB naman ang pupuntahan.

 bakit ako magaabala na samahan ka sa pointB mo,

kung masmalapit ang pointB KO?

 "malayo kaya ang bahay ko sa inyo."

 "gabi na kaya, baka maholdap ako."

 "boring kaya ang byahe pabalik."

 kapag bumaba na 'ko sa pointB 'ko...

sino mahal ko? ikaw ba o ako?

 tssss.

 kaya namin kayo hinahatid simula pointA

papuntang pointB...

 kasi.

gusto naming maramdaman nyong mahal namin kayo.

at gusto naming maramdaman na mahal nyo kami :)

 kahit malayo.

kahit mahal.

kahit gabi na.

kahit boring.

 sana nga matraffic yung sinasakyan natin eh :)

 gusto lang naman namin malaman nyo na kaya namin kayong mahalin...

mula point A to B.

i find this sweet especially coming from a guy. i mean it is so unusual for a guy to make a blog or to even write things like this since some guys thought that they will lose their "macho" image. well for me, i think i will have to consider the person who wrote this as a TNL (TUNAY NA LALAKE / TRUE MAN). he is not afraid to show his fragile side and tell what he really meant. i mean he is so honest.

i will certainly wait for this kind of man. the man that God has made for me. this time everything will be right. i won't let past mistakes to happen again. i won't ditch what i learned through everything i've been through. 

i will certainly make myself worthy for that man! 

ang hirap naman kasi magdecide! sino ba ang gusto maging torn?!!!

Being Liked Unbolt Existence

i'm happy to meet someone whom i never expected to come. but of course, i always have to remember my limits since he is a he.

I BROKE A CHILDREN'S HEART

Dear Lance and Sam,

It's really nice seeing you again yesterday. Actually I never would like to see you again because I know that it will make me miss you and doubt my decision. It hurts like hell hearing your questions why I have to leave you behind. What hurts me more is when I saw your almost-teary eyed Lance. It broke my heart when I heard your cracking voice that wanted to burst into tears. I asked myself this question while I am looking at you: How could I broke your precious little hearts? But I have to do this! If only I could make you understand why I have to leave you hanging especially this time that you both will have your final examinations soon. I'm sad that there are things you still couldn't understand. But then, I don't want you to view life as harsh nor unfair because I want you to always believe that life is great because life is indeed beautiful.
You have been special to me. You have taught me more than what I have coached you. Both of you helped me reached again to my inner child inside and made me feel the youth within me. I was able to play and to imagine wildly again just like when I was your age. You helped me understand why children has this huge trust that everything will go well. Being with you feels like I'm carefree as a wind. You also taught me the importance of keeping a promise since you wouldn't stopped bugging me until I kept my word. I really wanted to thank you for helping me re-gain my confidence and helping me re-learn the basic things I already forgotten a long long time. It's like I'm playing "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" when you are asking me things that I couldn't remember that served as a challenge for me to do my homework.
I never really thought of being a teacher. It has never been my thing. I never wanted a title of "teacher" before my first name. And honestly, I'm never been fond of kids, but you are different because you made me one. You have unleashed something inside that I never thought existed. There are times when I wanted to quit especially when you are having tantrums Lance. I don't have any idea how to pacify you and sometimes Sam is imitating how you have your tantrums. Well I'm glad that I didn't quit  that early because I will not have the chance to know you better. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and your education. I'm hoping that you will bring with you everything that I have taught you. I hope that this will not be the last time that I will see you. I'm hoping that you will still remember me when you grow up.

I love you both and I will surely miss you!:)

-Teacher Avs-

TO IMPRESS OR NOT

MARCH 11 2011
this will be the day where i will have the chance to meet one of my favorite local author. i've been looking up to him and at the same time he also influenced me through his write-ups. i already read most of his books. in fact, i already stayed the whole day at powerbooks in megamall (when it was still huge and comfy) just to finish one of his books. some of his books are pricey and i could not afford buying it. but it's really worth the price. (*sigh*) it will be a great pleasure for me to meet him. meeting him is like meeting a star. it will be an overwhelming scene for me.
the thing is, i will meet him because he will be the one who will interview me, i mean everything depends on him whether or not i will get the job. so if you are in my shoes, how will you feel that your favorite author will be the one sitting across and asking you questions? i really cannot imagine seeing him that near most especially being my interviewer. i feel like i would faint that day. i would remember how i used to answer some of the things written in his books in one of my job interview before and that really saved me! but how will i use his own principalities to answer his questions? i will literally fool myself if i do that.
he has been good in throwing advices in the workplace. he got this genuine sincerity that made him a good leader and a good manager all at the same time. it's a humongous credible points for him. and mind you, every  company knows him and they kept his schedule so tight. every big company loves to have him talk into their crowds to hear his tips to stay motivated and give their biggest shot to be an effective worker. on the other hand, he also concentrate more to those who run the company (i'm pertaining to the bosses). he believes that the "boss" can make or break a soul of a talented worker.
how on earth will i impress him?! yeah, i'm sounding so ridiculous because i know i have to be natural. i don't need to impress him by going beyond what i am. but i'm scared that i won't be able to answer him directly. what if i stutter? what if my grammar got disastrous? i got to get rid of this negative thoughts before it swallow me. i really can't imagine meeting him and talking with him. my heart is pounding and i'm really amazed by what may happen on me that day.

GOODBYE BROTHER

31 hours and 25 minutes before we bid farewell to my brother. yeah, its only 3 hrs and 25 minutes plane distance (that will make him 2391.81 kilometers away) from us but our everyday scene will not be the same anymore. i don't know but as of the moment i cannot feel anything and even don't know how to react upon this event. that's always been a problem with me lately, it's as if being passive is the most safest thing. things has been slow to sank inside me.
so saying goodbye seems the most hardest thing to do right now specially with what's going on with my mom. i feel sorry for my mom but i think this will be best for everyone (specially to my brother). but then, our home will be more quiet now that no one will tease me any longer. no one will be makulit who will repeat stories for 10x over and over again. things will never be the same starting tomorrow when the plane take-off! i will surely miss you brother :'(

"One of my big concerns these past few years is that I’ve been losing the ability to feel things with the same intensity -the way way I felt when I was younger. It’s scary -to feel your emotions floating away and just not caring. I guess what’s really scary is not caring about the loss."

Life After God by Douglas Coupland

WELCOME TO MY NEW HUB!

so how will i welcome myself and most specially you (yes you!!!) to my new and more exposed digital home?
actually this is my third blog account (though this account will not be my first love, but i hope this will be my last). on the other side, this account will be more closer to me since this will generate more of my mushy, reasonable, illogical, nonsense, childish-mature side of me unlike my 2 previous blogs. you will often hear more of me here (because i'm hoping that nobody will ever discover my other blogs, yes you heard me right...it still exist!). so much has been said, enjoy the walk with me through my rollercoaster ride:))